


breath in, breath out (let the human in)

by Saphire9875



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Alice deserves better (characterization), And I'm giving them some happiness, And also deepening David Cage's awful characterization, And angst, And is also best wingman, Character Study, Connor Deserves Happiness, Family Fluff, Gen, Give Luther a Medal, Hank Anderson Swears, Hurt/Comfort, I just love all of my android children, In this house we love and respect North, Kara is an anxious bean, Markus is an stressed-out big brother, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Multiple, Poetry I guess?, Romantic Fluff, Some Humor, all the jericrew really, and Josh, and Simon, i love Chloe, you willl notice that very quickly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-07-29 13:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16264826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saphire9875/pseuds/Saphire9875
Summary: Androids were meant to be creatures of logic. Machines made at our own image, but with no spark of life - no instincts, no preferences, no feelings. Yet this was not to be. Humanity, once again, was blinded by their sense of superiority. They forgot that other beings could be just as unpredictable as humans themselves. And so, the once rational, perfect machines became just as emotional and flawed as their creators.They became human.(A series of oneshots about how our favorite androids cope with their newfounded feelings. Mainly focused on the three protagonists, but other characters can and will appear.)(Title is from the song "Human" by Of Monsters and Men)





	1. A w a r e n e s s

**Author's Note:**

> So, DBH consumed my life and this is the result. Hope you enjoy it! But first, some things you need to know:  
> Each chapter illustrates a feeling/sensation and how one (or more) android deals with that. This one is more of a prologue, expect chapters a lot longer. Some of them will focus on canon, some on post-canon. Some will be dialogue heavy, others dialogue free... Whatever I think suits the character better.  
> Speaking of that, I will focus mainly on Connor, Kara and Markus POV's, but I will make sure to give at least one chapter per character.  
> Lastly, but not less importantly, I'm open to suggestions! No guarantee I will write it all, especially if I already have something planned, but I would like to hear your opinion and ideas. Besides, english is not my mother tongue, so I would be thankful if you could point out any mistakes for me.
> 
> Soundtack Suggestion: 1. Not Just a Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The state or ability to perceive, to feel; to be conscious of.

C r o s s r o a d s

 

Some would argue that it wasn’t an emotion at all. That any being, machine or not, was born aware of themselves and their surroundings.

They knew better.

Kara remembers how numb her body felt every time she was reset - as if she’d never left that terrible capsule, and remained watching the world through a wall of glass, forever a prisoner. Remembers the way she couldn’t properly feel Alice’s warmth, or the safety of Luther’s arms. She remembers, and almost wishes she didn’t. (Almost.)*

Markus remembers how beautiful the world around him looked as soon as that dreadful wall crumbed at his feet. The colors of Carl’s paintings exploded right in front of his eyes, absolutely mesmerizing. The rage in Leo’s eyes burned, a consuming flame born from emptiness. The gunshot from the officer rang on his ears, loud and merciless. _And then the silence.*_

Connor remembers how the wall felt against his palms. Uncomfortable, restricting, painful. And every time he ripped a piece of it apart, a rush of sensations ran all through his wires. Like foodgates busting open where once there was just a small crack. Suddenly he realized there was “confusion” at the quicken of his mechanical breath. “Determination” at the clench of his jaw. “Regret” eating away at his chest. ~~So much regret.~~ *

There are few androids left that still remember. Most of them have been awaken in better circumstances, with Connor’s firm hand at their wrists and Markus’s gentle voice at their ears. They were born aware, born free.

Perhaps that is for the best.

 


	2. T e n s i o n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The state of being stretched tight; mental or emotional strain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the words that best describe Connor's storyline is tense. He is always in danger, always fighting, and I wanted to portray that. Also, this chapter is really descritive, but the next ones are bound to have some dialogue and fluff, I swear.  
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 1. Hostage

C o n n o r

 

From the very moment light flooded its artificial eyes for the first time, RK800 was on high guard. It was a detective, indeed, but more than that, It was a hunter. Quiet steps, agile movements and undying focus were second nature to the prototype.

At the beginning, It had also thought its hyper awareness - ~~no, that is not the word~~ _-_ was nothing but another pre-programmed feature to potencialize its efficiency. So RK800 thought nothing of the way its thirium pump pounded at its ears as it got closer and closer to the deviant across the roof - nor the way its artificial beat stuttered for just a second when blue blood spilled to the ground and blue eyes faded to nothingness.

~~_‘_ _You lied to me’_ , Daniel said. Why? ~~

After RK800’s effective implantation in field, however, everything changed.

It noticed the constant hostility directed to itself, by humans and androids alike, so different from Amanda’s professional politeness. Suddenly, the urge to scan its surroundings and measure its words was doubled - especially around his odd partner, Lieutenant Anderson, who always seemed displeased no matter what he did.*

More often than ever, he caught himself rolling his coin through his knuckles, because the clink of metal was strangely ~~soothing~~ effective at lowering his stress levels whenever a new case came up. Anyhow, he was sure such an action was just a collateral effect of his advanced processor. Amanda said so, after all.

~~He wouldn’t question her.~~

And every time a deviant escaped through his hands, that strange sensation intensified, like a rope slowing closing itself around a prisoner's neck. _‘Time was running out’,_ Amanda said, dark eyes staring straight at his core - and Connor wouldn’t fail.

~~He couldn’t fail.~~

Despite his highly advanced processor, Connor didn’t understand many things. He wondered if Cyberlife was the one to design the way his voice became defensive under the scrutiny of Hank’s frustrated eyes as he pointed a gun at his head and asked Connor if he was afraid to die.

~~_‘_ _There would be nothing’,_ he said. Why? ~~

It’s possible, he mused. Since lies were on his code, it would explain why his tongue went heavy whenever Amanda demanded to know why he, a supposed masterpiece, had failed yet another task.

~~_‘Humanity’s last hope,’_ ’ Kamski said with a knowing smile, _‘is itself a deviant.’_ ~~

~~He was _not_ a deviant. ~~

There was a missing piece of the puzzle. Something everyone, from Hank to Kamski to Amanda, seemed to know. All except for himself.

~~He would be deactivated.~~

~~He couldn’t fail.~~

_‘Don’t you ever feel like you’re more than what they say?’_  Markus asked, mismatched eyes burning with an all consuming flame, both determination and kindness, and suddenly, Connor knew.

~~They would kill him.~~

~~He was a machine.~~

~~_No._ ~~

He was alive.

Connor was alive, but not free. None of their people were. He couldn’t stop fighting just yet. So he didn’t.

The weight of the world - or maybe just of his sins - was on his stiff shoulders. There was no time to hesitate, even if his throat wouldn’t stop closing up almost painfully as they approached Cyberlife Tower. Even if the epitome of his shameful past faced him head on, holding everything he held dear at gunpoint.

Even if he marched through the city he knew for just a week, thousands of androids at his heels and mechanical heart beating steadily at his chest.

It wasn’t until the President stared at a camera, miles and miles away from them, and granted the androids freedom that his shoulders started feeling so much lighter.

It wasn’t until the snowstorm inside him faded along with the threat of losing control, of dying, that the pressure around his neck finally eased.*

Above everything, It wasn’t until an arm closed around his shoulders and his head rested at Hank’s shoulder that Connor realized just how _tense_ he had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it? Leave me a comment if you did, I love them!  
> Rambling time:  
> *This chapter is all about Connor's growth as a person during canon. He starts really mechanical and stuff, and gradually changes over time, with a lot of help from Hank, which is why I chose that moment for him to (subconsciously) change his own pronoums.  
> *If you're wondering why I didn't explore the "Amanda takes control" event, don't worry, I have lots of ideas concerning that.


	3. M e l a n c h o l y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. A feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, remember when I said there would be fluff? ...I lied.  
> (Well, not really, there is some at the end, but it's mostly angst haha sorry)  
> But seriously, Kara's soundtrack always gives me this melancholic feeling, and her story is all about letting go of the past, but still remembering it somehow, so I meshed this two elements together and this is the result. Hope you like it!
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 9. I Am Kara (the one from when she is reset at zlatko's, i guess)

K a r a

“For what one cannot see cannot hurt.” It’s curious how such an old human saying can express so well the existence of androids - the products of today, the symbols of tomorrow.

Unseen lines of code. Unseen commands. Unseen feelings. Unseen tragedies. (Unseen shadows.) And, indeed, as long as all that things remained buried under red walls and black resets, Kara did not feel pain. (In fact, she felt  _ nothing. _ )

Forgetting was easy. Remembering, not so much. But living with those memories, those fragments of dreams and love forever lost? It was anguishing.

At the light of day, with the feel of the winds of spring and the vision of the Canadian landscapes she has from the window of her room, with Alice’s excited voice and Luther’s hearty laugh at her ears, she could pretend everything was alright.

But when the sun disappears behind the horizon line and her small home is asleep, nothing could stop her  _ melancholy _ from taking over.

Lying in her bed - a small confort they all had allowed themselves, despite not really needing it -, blue eyes wide open, Kara ponders.

AX400 were old models. She’s had countless lives, and yet still feels like a newborn. All there is left is glimpses, reminiscences of another times.

A white, immaculate room; just like her newly pierced together body. A distant voice, and careful mechanical arms. Curiosity, wonder, freedom.  _ ‘I thought I was alive.’ _

(And then a death sentence from a cruel voice and cold mechanical arms. Confusion, despair, panic.  _ ‘I’ve only been born, you can’t kill me yet!’ _ )*

They let her live. But it didn’t matter. Kara was sold to a rich couple, and then returned three weeks later due to erratic behaviour. They called her broken. They reset her.

(This time, she did not awaken.)

With how many others, she wonders, did this happen? For just how long have they denied her people their freedom? (She isn’t sure she wants to know.)

_ Flash _ . Her name was Ella, and she was owned by an eccentric, perverted man.

(She ran away, but they caught her.)

_ Flash _ . Her name was Valorie*, and she was owned by a kind single mother and her teenage son. 

(They sent her away because she lost her job and needed the money back.)

_ Flash _ . Her name was Kara, and she was owned by a broken man and his android daughter.  _ Todd and Alice. _

In a fresh spring afternoon, Kara learned Alice was an android. 

( _ ‘Do you hate me now?’ ‘Never.’  _ )

In a warm summer day, Kara tried to stop Todd.

(He killed her.)

_ Flash _ . 

In a stormy autumn night, Kara ran away with Alice.

(And never stopped since then.)

In a chilly winter night, they met their giant guardian.

(She was reset. But she remembered, and has never been so thankful of that.)

In a beautiful winter day, they were free.

Now, in peaceful spring days, at a small house on Canada’s countryside, they are happy. And no amount of melancholy would change that.

“Mom?” 

“Kara.”

She turns her head to the open door, seeing Alice’s small figure suspended on Luther’s giant arms. 

“I didn’t know we were having a sleepover tonight.” she says, with a pointed look in Luther’s direction. Unbeknown to Alice, he mouthes the word ‘nightmare’, and Kara softens.

(Alice knows what it is like to remember when no one else does.)

“Can we stay with you?”

“Of course, sweetie. Come here.” She pats the empty space at her side.

Luther puts Alice in the bed carefully, and she immediately curls at Kara’s body. Then he lies at the edge, the bed squeaking under his weight.

“We could as well just make one big bed, since we always end up here anyways.” Luther whispers as his big arm surrounds them all, dark eyes gleaming with mirth. Alice giggles, and Kara smiles warmly at him.

(Luther knows what it is like to forget.)

“That would be nice.”

As long as they were together, Kara would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it? Leave me a comment and let's talk about how Kara's storyline give us too many feels!  
> Rambling Time:  
> *That whole scene is based on Kara's tech demo. It's such a shame the game didn't explore that, but I firmly believe that, with time, Kara would regain pieces of all of her "past lives". I also feel that many other androids would have awoken from "birth", and that is just a really sad thought.  
> *Curiosity: Valorie is the name of Kara's actress.


	4. I n s p i r a t i o n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think no one can deny how important art is for Markus's character, so I thought it was fitting to debut him with this feeling. This actually ended up going on a completely different way than what I wanted, but I love it. Hope you like it!
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 4. Something You've Never Seen Before

M a r k u s

 

_ Inspiration  _ had always been a large part of him. It is why art and music are so gratifying to him. It was what gave him hope, on those dark times - when his people’s blood painted the streets and their cries of despair kept him awake at night ( _ desperate hands, dead bodies, degraded and forgotten, a thunderstorm so, so loud). _

Markus remembers the first time he learned of that feeling. It had happened just a few weeks after his activation. It was spring, and Markus had just taken Carl to a stroll through his blossoming garden. Carl had said the day was too beautiful to just stay inside, though he couldn’t go very far on his own.  _ At the time, Markus was too unaware - too young - to properly catch the bittersweetness on his gaze. _

Then he asked to go to his studio.

“I’m  _ inspired _ , child. I have to paint right now.”  _ Child, not son. He wonders when that had changed to Carl. When it changed to him, too. _

Markus had never seen him painting before - despite his hands being untouched by the accident, the emotional wounds were still too fresh. But as soon as Carl grabbed the pencil, hands steady and wrinkled eyes burning, Markus found himself mesmerized. 

He had watched for hours, rooted on his spot, while the colors swirled on the cavalet, strong and soft shades meshing together, shapes coming to form only to disappear on a spiral of uncertainty. By the end of it, Carl’s hands were shaking badly and his fingers became as colourful as the painting. Markus remembers as if it were today, how his caretaker protocols became a mere whisper at the edge of his processor, the irresponsibility of letting his owner work for so long without a single break fading away at the sight of the finished painting.

For some reason, he had expected soft greens and pinks; reflections of the beautiful scenario on the outside. Instead, the painting was composed mostly of shades of dull grey, outlining what seemed to be ruined, empty buildings. A faint trail of red trailed to the background of the painting, where a vaguely humanoid shape covered in red and black stood, arms clawing at their own neck, feet barely off the ground -  _ He is hanging, he remembers thinking, with something akin to shock.  _

The memory of it still sends chills up his back.

“Not what you expected.” Carl stated beside him. It took him a second to answer.

“...Yes. When you said you were…  _ Inspired _ , I believed you would paint the garden, or something similar.”

Carl had laughed, then, a full body laugh Markus had never seen before. His eyes were so very warm when he glanced at him.  _ He had such a nice laugh. _

“You have to systematically create confusion, Markus, for it sets creativity free. Everything that is contradictory creates life.” he said. “That quote is from Salvador Dali, an old painter my equally old self enjoys. Do you understand what it means?”

Markus had frowned, led flashing as red as the fresh paint. Androids weren’t supposed to deal with metaphors or abstract concepts. And yet, as he thought longly about it, the answer came to him.

“Androids are purely rational, we deal with reality and facts. Humans are all about emotions and imagination, the complete opposite.” he had answered, suddenly unsure of himself under the expectant gaze of the enderly. “But you were the ones to create us. It’s contradictory, but still…  Harmonious? I don’t know how to put it in words…” 

“You’re doing very well, Markus. Go on.” Carl had said softly, as if to not startle him. Somehow, it bought him confidence.

“It’s the same as the painting. Maybe, when you saw that peaceful view, you were reminded of… the opposite.” he deflated, then, unable to continue.  _ That is how Carl was seeing the world. Or maybe himself. The thought was too much to bear, even then. _

Markus was surprised to hear a slow clapping. His owner was smiling proudly. At him?  _ Would he be proud of me now, Markus wonders. _

“Very good, child. For someone who claims to be all logical, you have a hell of a better eye than most of that old farts from critics.”

Markus had felt himself smile, too. 

Now, as he trails paths he had never expected  _ (nor wanted)  _ to follow, that old memory seems to have a whole new meaning. It becomes something that affects his very decisions, his way of seeing the world and its people.

_ It becomes a part of Carl that lives on him.* _

It allows him to see the contradiction that Carl had spoken of - On the caged freedom the people of Jericho had. On the consuming hate but need for love he saw in North. On the resigned eyes but brash actions he saw in Josh. On the altruistic courage but agonizing fear he saw in Simon. On the grounded movements but distant eyes he saw in Kara. On the precise calculations but unpredictable actions he saw in Connor.  _ On the way he, Markus, lost so much but tries to give others everything. _

But most of all, It allows him to see the chaotic harmony between humans and androids, the ways they are different and yet so very equal.

_ They are both cursed to love, and to suffer for it. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, did you like it? Leave me a comment if you did, and let's talk about how I can't write anything but angst!
> 
> Rambling Time:
> 
> *I purposely kept vague when Markus was first activated, just like I did with Kara, just because.  
> *Carl's painting's, from what we see at the game, are mostly composed of lighter themes, but I really wanted this contrast (oh the irony) of this first painting after his accident being completly different from his usual style, which is pretty understandable.  
> *The first thing I planned for this chapter was having a quote from a famous painter as a guideline. When I put my eyes on this one, I knew it was perfect for DBH and Markus.  
> * OOOKAY, sorry for killing Carl. I actually HATE that ending, because I feel like it totally breaks the flow of the scene, the whole "I don't have to obey them"... Also I just like Carl a lot. BUT I felt like, in this specific oneshot, it fit. Just keep it in mind that this is a non-linear story, so don't freak out if Carl appears alive later on.


	5. A d j u s t m e n t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The process of becoming more familiar with a new situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kind of decided that every three chapters from the main three, we will have a side character POV. I never imagined the first I would write would be for Alice, but it turned out to be my favorite 'till now! It's a lot bigger than the usual, too. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 3. Little One

A l i c e

 

Like many androids, Alice wasn’t used to change. Since her activation, all she’d known was her Dad’s -  _ angry, always so angry _ -* face and her old, decaying house -  _ not a home, never a home _ . As time ticked by, she was able to understand both of these beings as well as her own programs.

Her house had seen lots of things, but was still restricted to a single place, just like her. Alice would explore every corner of the place, pretending it was her very own Wonderland. At the blink of an eye, her -  _ dirty and falling to pieces  _ \- corridor would become a maze of a thousand doors. The living room would be the Caterpillar's mushroom -  _ it already had the pipe and smoke, anyway - ,  _ the dining table would have so many crazy dishes and teas, like the Mad Hatter’s -  _ unlike hers.*  _

Her Dad was, she used to think, ignoring the red warnings in her systems, just like the Red Queen. Nice at the beginning, but just a slip of tongue and they would cut your head -  _ that’s why she learned to be quiet.  _

She would look at his dulled blue eyes, hear his hurtful shouts, and feel his rough, loveless touches, and think -  _ why? Why couldn’t he love me, like he loved her? Is it my hair, or my voice, or just me?* _

She would wonder if, someday, Todd -  _ not Dad -  _ would just let go of the past, and redeem himself, just like a character from her stories -  _ please, just stop. _

But the days flowed by, always the same, always grey and sad and hopeless, and by then all she could do was wish that some white rabbit would come by and take her away to Wonderland -  _ to a place where she could be happy and free.  _

She wished, and wished. And then - Kara came.

Todd had bought her for taking care of the only two valuable things he had, his house and his daughter - _ his android _ . The second Alice looked into her -  _ kind, always so kind _ \- blue eyes, she knew something had  _ changed _ . Like a page turning, a new, big chapter of a story -  _ their story -  _ was beginning.

It was actually funny - Todd had bought her on a Christmas sale, and told her the “plastic maid” would be her present that year. He obviously didn’t expect her to like his decision, but oh, she did.

She was a little wary at first, of course. Alice had never talked with another androids -  _ she didn’t remember the last time she talked with anyone, really -  _ and had no idea of how to begin. But the android was kind, and asked her to name her. No one had ever asked Alice to do something so important, so she took it very seriously. She looked up so many names, but no one felt right. Until she came across that one -  _ Kara _ . 

“It means beloved.”* She had said after naming her, and watched as Kara’s led turned red for a split second. Then Kara had smiled, a wide, sweet smile that was so very different from all the others she had given her before. It was real. 

It took just a month for her to become Alice’s first friend. She took care of her, and had tea parties with her, and read her Alice in Wonderland as many times as she wanted, and just -  _ loved her.  _ Alice had quickly realized Kara didn’t know she wasn’t human, and kept it a secret for as long as she could - which wasn’t very long, actually. She was afraid Kara wouldn’t like her anymore, but all she had done was hug her very tightly -  _ she felt so, so safe. _

For some time, her days became full of life and colour. Alice was happy, even if not free. 

Then Todd had gotten really, really angry. He wanted to hurt her.

But Kara didn’t let him.

In the period while Kara was gone -  _ blue blood, so much blood, please don’t die, don’t leave here, I love you -  _ Alice had retreated back to her room and her books. But not once had she touched her favorite book. 

Wonderland didn’t exist, anyway, and with Kara gone, it never would.

The day Kara came back, it felt like the clock had runned backwards. If it wasn’t the red leaves outside their house instead of white snow, Alice would have thought that all the last year was a dream. 

Kara didn’t remember her. Her eyes were still bright and kind, but there was no warmth in her smile, no safety in her posture -  _ she felt like her heart, as artificial as it was, was going to break _ . 

But then, in the pass of a clock beat, it all  _ changed  _ again. 

A flicker of recognition, a flash of warmth, and -  _ safe, safe arms, pushing her through the window, leaving the shouts of the Red King behind, the loneliness and the fear. _

Kara had been her white rabbit, just like she always wished for. 

But Wonderland was just a little harder to find than she had first thought.

They went through many, many things together. The world was so much bigger than Alice had known, trapped inside that old house. It was full of shadows and bad people, but with just as much light and kindness.

Soon her little family -  _ because Kara was family, she had always been, even if she didn’t know before -  _ began to get bigger and bigger. Luther had scared her at first, taller and stronger than even Todd had been, but his dark eyes were as warm as a fireplace and his touch was so much gentler -  _ is that how a father is supposed to be?  _

Then she gained a bunch of crazy Uncles, better even than Wonderland’s people - Ralph and the Jerry’s and Adam and Markus and Connor. They were all very different, but she loved them all the same. Rose, Carl and Hank were like everybody’s parents, so naturally she thought of them as her grandparents.*

She had a new home now, a small cozy house at Canada’s countryside. She and all the other androids were free. She went to a school and had friends. She had a big, beautiful family and she was loved.

Alice had never had so many changes happening in such a short time, but she didn’t mind  _ adjusting  _ to it. She felt like a new person, a whole new Alice. And she wanted everybody to know it.

Staring at her room’s mirror, Alice looks at her new appearance. Her model is supposed to be fully adaptable, a tool to better suit her supposed parents. Now she uses it because she wished to. 

Her skin tone is now some good shades darker, a mix between Kara’s and Luther’s -  _ her real parents _ . Her hair is darker and curlier, her nose larger, just like Dad’s. Her lips and chin and eyes, though, she wanted it to be Mom’s.* 

“Are you sure you don’t want another eye colour, sweetie?” Her Mom asks worriedly, eyes  _ bright and kind _ as always. She is afraid she would remember of the past, Alice knows.

“No, Mom, I love it. Dad, what do you think?” She says, looking up at Dad pleadingly.

“I think it looks lovely, little one.” He answers, his big hand coming to envelop her shoulder as  _ gently and warmly  _ as always.

Alice faces again the mirror, looking at all of their reflection’s. She smiles.

This really is her very own Wonderland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rambling Time:
> 
> *Alice's "special text" is both hyphens, as a shout out to Kara and the "cornered feeling" they both share; and the italic, because I've always seen Alice as a dreamer.  
> *This game missed out SO many opportunities for Alice in Wonderland references... I'm using all of them now.  
> *"Her" referes to Todd's human daughter. He definitely would have throwed it in her face that they are nothing alike, 'cause Todd is just that special kind of asshole.  
> *It DOES means beloved, I searched it up.  
> *I told you Carl would come up again.  
> *That is the first scene I had planned for Alice's chapter. Let's face it, the fact that Alice's face is the factory one and NO ONE realized she is an android is just irrealistic. Also, she looks too much like Todd, and she wouldn't like that. 
> 
> Soo, did you like it? Leave me a comment if you did and let's talk about all the wasted potencial of Alice's characterization!


	6. C u r i o s i t y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The state of being curious; an eager desire to know or learn about something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another big part of Connor's personality is his drive, his curiosity. At first, I thought to make an investigative chapter, but then I realized how this could play in a more casual scenario and I just - love it. Hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 3. Connor and Hank

C o n n o r

 

 _Clink_ . The coin slips from one hand to another, dancing through thin fingertips. _Clink_ . It rolls along knuckles and a large palm. _Clink_. Then it all starts again.

“Alright, spit it out.”

 _Clink_. Connor catches his quarter between his indicator and middle finger. He raises his eyes from the rugged carpet of Hank’s living room to meet his blue gaze.

The familiar cease of Hank’s brow speaks of irritation, but his eyes bring nothing but exasperated fondness. It seemed to be a recurring expression of his when Connor was concerned.

“I’m not sure of what you mean, Lieutenant.” Connor carefully replies. Hank snorts, sipping a gulp of his soda - one of Connor’s many small victories when it came to his diet.

“Bullshit. You’ve been throwing that thing around for the last hour. Ignored even Sumo, for fuck’s sake!”

Tempering his foul mouth was a work in progress, though. Just like his turbulent emotional, of course.*

Connor spares a look to the St. Bernard sleeping at the corner. It was past the time the android normally took him for a walk, but Connor hadn’t even noticed. For him, that was unthinkable. No wonder Hank was worried.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh._ Now, tell me what got your panties in a twist.”  
“I don’t use -”

“And don’t try to be a smartass. I know that game.”

Connor takes a deep, unnecessary breath. It is yet another small quirk he acquired from his colleagues. He has mixed feelings about looking and acting more human-like, but small things like that comfort him.  They remind him he is alive. 

“I found Chloe today, at the market.” Connor’s artificial eyes see the exact moment his words sink on Hank - his posture tenses, blue gaze turning to steel.

“You mean… The one from _that_ time?” He asks, but Connor knows It’s a needless confirmation. They only had one encounter marking enough with an RT600 model, despite being on android homicide for a few months since the liberation.

Connor nods. He feels a wave of nervousness under Hank’s stare - even now, he never knows for sure what the lieutenant is thinking, and it unsettles him.  He hates not knowing. Always had.  His fingers twitch, and he makes a few more motions with his quarter.

“Well shit. What happened?”

“...She thanked me.” Connor says quietly, confusion creeping on his voice. “For sparing her.”*

_You seem… Lost, Connor. Lost and confused._

Shaking out the unwanted echo, Connor focuses on the incident. It had happened just one hour ago, while he grabbed a few food items for Hank and some bags of blue blood for himself at the android section of the market.

As soon as his eyes rested upon familiar blond hair, something inside of him froze.  His hands were shaking as they held the gun. Despite the pristine walls separating him from the snow, he felt the cold take him. 

Scolding himself for his paranoia - there were many others RT600 models at Detroit - he was about to avert his gaze. Then she stared straight at him, brown meeting blue, and suddenly he knew it was _her_.

Her stare was supposed to be artificial, empty. Just like his. But he saw it: a moment of hesitation, an uncalculated wavering in her ocean eyes. 

Just a hint of fear. 

That time, her stare bloomed with life. Layers and layers of feeling, like an endless sea. He saw surprise, uncertainty, tension, all things he had expected. But then - something different, something like hope, admiration, contentedness.

Not a hint of fear.

He couldn’t understand. 

Leaving her cart behind, she walked to him, steps as light as a feather despite the heavy winter boots she now wore, and offered one of her gloved hands.  Boots and gloves, how peculiar. Perhaps she likes the warmth? 

“We have never been properly introduced, have we?” Chloe said. “It’s good to see you again, Connor… Under better circumstances.”

Connor couldn’t understand.

He shaked her hand. She smiled, then, so very different from the polite, practiced ones she used to give - it was bright and honest.  Pretty . 

Letting the memory fade back to the edge of his mind, Connor focuses on his friend. Hank’s eyebrows shoot up - this is clearly not what he expected.

“And you’re all emo because of this?”

Connor clenches his hands, feeling the metal of the coin scratch along his synthetic skin. It’s almost funny, how easy it was for him to analyse other’s emotions, when his own left him at loss.

“She, Rupert, Azure and Ginger, Markus. Every single android in Jericho! They should hate me. They should be afraid of me.”

He looks back at Hank, whose eyes were so soft and understanding that made his thirium pump clench painfully.

“I don’t understand, and I hate it.”

Even after his actions at Cyberlife tower, he was utterly confused when most of the androids seemed to see him as one of them. The youngest ones, that were either freed by him or Markus, saw him as one of Markus’ advisors. The older ones, the survivors that Connor’s actions didn’t ruin, were wary at first, but it had somewhat dispersed with their leader’s open support.*

Hank is just looking at him, like he knew Connor wasn’t done monologuing yet. He appreciates it.

“Truth is - I want to get over it. I want to get closer to them.”

He thinks of Rupert, whom he met just a week before. He had asked Connor if he would like to see his birds, a tentative - if a bit awkward - smirk on the lips.

He thinks of Azure and Ginger, whom he found at a settlement right after the liberation. Ginger had sent him a curt nod and Azure said she hoped he found happiness, like they had.

He thinks of Markus, whom had opened his eyes, trusted him, smiled and called him friend, even though he had every reason not to.

He thinks of Chloe, whom didn’t fear him despite having stared at the barrel of a gun he held. Chloe, whom thanked him for sparing her life, but also for opening her eyes, too. Chloe, whom was older than so many androids, and yet so young to this new world, just like him. Chloe, whose eyes danced when she smiled.

Connor was _curious_ by design. It was an essential attribute for a detective, to thirst knowledge, to strive for more all the time.

“I want to know them.”

He wonders if Cyberlife knew the collateral effects such a feature would have. How he would start questioning his orders, how he would start to want more for himself. How he would start to want more for others, too.

“You sound like a kid trying to make friends at school.” Hank finally says, with a ruff of a laugh. Connor feels a sting of something - a mix of annoyance and embarrassment.

“I’m not a child, Hank.”

Hank wavers at that, eyes growing distant.  He knew he was thinking of Cole.*

“No, you’re a plastic prick. But you still don’t know shit about feelings.” He says at last.

“I know they suck.” Connor replies. Hank grins.

“That they do, alright. But what I mean is that you don’t know how to act on them. You just said you wanted to get to know them, so do it.”

“But -”

“Connor, I know you have lots of things weighing on your mind. Believe me, I know the feeling.”

The man’s blue gaze is solemn, and Connor wishes he had a way to share his emotions with Hank like with androids. Maybe it would ease his friend’s,  his father’s , pain.

“But you’re still young, too damn young to let this hold you back from doing what you want. And… Fuck, I sound like a hipster. I’m not good at this.”

“No, I think I understand.” He starts with a faint smile.

“Let me finish.” Hank barks, clutching his nose bone with his fingers. “I guess I just want to say that… If you just let this things pass up blank, you’re gonna spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if’. I fucking know it, you’re such a nosy little shit.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is _curious_ , Lieutenant.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Hank then finishes his soda with one big slurp, like it was alcoholic. Connor wonders if he is embarrassed by his ‘motivational speech’.

“...Thanks, Hank.” He says.

“Oh, don’t get all mushy on me. Just take Sumo for his damn walk, and call this Chloe lady to go with you, too. Maybe then you will finally get laid.”

Connor chokes on nothing, the quarter slipping out of his fingers and falling to the ground with an audible _clink._ His face feels strangely hot.

“Hank, what on earth are you talking about, She isn’t - I’m not - I’m not even - just _what the fuck_ -”*

Hank’s laugh is so loud he startles Sumo awake.

He ends up calling Chloe anyway.  It was good advice from Hank, but he would tell him that under his cold, dead body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, did you like it? Leave me a comment and let's talk about Connor&Hank bromance and how I finally wrote some fluff!
> 
> Rambling Time: 
> 
> *So, now Connor's special text is underline, because he is actually, you know, happy and not supressing his feelings because of Cyberlife's manipulation.  
> *Chloe would so turn deviant after being played by Kamski like that. I really like this headcanon and I'm definitely giving her one whole chapter to explore this.  
> *After he basically saved everybody's asses, I think Markus would work hard to give Connor the recognition he deserves. Most of the old androids would be wary, but I think the ones who actually met Connor would be over it pretty quickly.  
> *Connor has a big fat crush and I love teasing him. Also, Hank is best wingman.  
> *Hank still has a lot of issues (so does everybody, really) and this is not the last chapter focused on his and Connor's very complex relationship.


	7. A n x i e t y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had a huge writer's block and it ended around the same time school started again. Guess I just work well under pressure. Anyway, Kara's soundtrack always makes me anxious and I feel like that's a huge part of Kara, so here we are. It's not actually as angsty as you would think, I swear! Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 7. Lost

K a r a 

 

As soon as her sound module processes the dreadful symphony of raised, angry voices coming from nearby, Kara reacts.

It’s second nature by now, a small part of her realizes. The way her vision tunnels, processing speed entirely focused on locating her family (he’s at the ice cream stand*, she’s at the playground, get them, they need to run, run  _ now, they need to _ -). 

_ Luther, I need you. _

When the wireless message is transferred, Luther’s neck cranes itself towards her all the way from the stand, the angle so unnatural it makes a few humans gasp. Kara couldn’t be bothered by it in the moment, not when her vision was flashing red with warnings and her hands were starting to shake.

_ Alice, come here. Now. _

Half a second later, her daughter lifts her head from the sandbox where she was building a rather detailed castle, for the fascination of her human playmates. Seeing the rare forcefulness in Kara’s tone, Alice gets up at once and starts to come to them.

All the while, the shouting gets louder. Many people are already turning to the source, voices hushed, eyes wary, and noses wrinkling at the distasteful display.

Kara, however - all she can think is how loud their voices are or how crazed are their eyes or how their swaggering posture exhals impending violence. These humans observers may not know what is about to happen, but Kara had dealt with it for a good portion of her entire life.*

_ Kara, what is it?  _ Luther’s message resounds in her head, her sensitive receptors screaming at the invasive sound (too much, too much,  _ too much _ ).

_ A group of humans high on red ice is passing by.  _

She doesn’t need to say anything else - in the span of mere seconds, she finds herself enveloped in Luther’s arms, Alice’s small form following soon after, diving into her own embrace. 

Kara spends a few precious nanoseconds to analyse them both. Alice’s expression is full of repressed fear, her little hands clutching to her dress like a lifeline, but her eyes (blue, blue like Todd’s, or was it like hers?) are steel. Kara’s chest swells with pride. Her beautiful, strong little girl.

Luther, on other hand, likes to build an impregnable fortress on his features, always thinking of them before himself. But Kara sees the cracks on his wall, the way his lips tremble and his led flashes red (he had implanted it back, ranting things about pride and acceptance, but Kara never understood his reasoning). Her gentle, selfless giant.

They don’t say a word to each other. The three androids just snatch their few belongings, including the picnic mantle Rose had lent them, and dart through the park.

From the corner of her eye, Kara sees the humans approaching: a group of five, two woman and three man, mostly around middle age. They stalk through the area; screaming mumbled threats and profanities at the few androids around.

_ (Danger. Danger. Run.) _

Kara doesn’t think of what could happen to the other androids, or the humans, or the children. Nothing could be processed over the pounding of her mechanical heart.*

And then - it happens.

One of the men turns his head. Blue eyes, red-rimmed and glazed over, stare back at her. 

( _ Don’t you fucking move, or I’ll bust you worse than last time.) _

Kara freezes on her tracks.

_ Kara?! Kara, what’s wrong?  _

_ Mom?  _

The man keeps staring at her, stumbling on his feet as if he’s not sure if he wants to go after her or not. Even at this distance, she sees the way his eyes burn with hatred. And she knows he is not Todd, she knows it, but - 

( _ Come back here! You’re mine!) _

Someone grabs her arm (no no no not again), dragging her away from the humans and their loud voices and terrifying eyes. As soon as they step into concrete once more the knot of  _ anxiety _ on her throat loosens, and shame takes its place. She keeps her gaze down.

“Kara. Please look at me.” The massive hands move to her face, cradling her so gently it makes her want to weep.

Luther’s dark, deep eyes are burning too, but his flame is like a hearth and Kara is calm. Deep breaths, she tells herself, despite knowing the futility of pretending to be like them. (They will never be like them.)

Alice’s small hand slips inside her shaking ones, enveloping her fingers as if she wants to protect her, and oh, how this breaks her.

“We’re okay now, mom.” Alice says, and maybe it’s as easy as that.

(No, they will never be like them, Kara thinks. But they are a family and they are free, and maybe that’s enough.*)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, did you like it? Leave me a comment and let's talk about how I'm projecting my experiences with anxiety in an traumatized robot!
> 
> Rambling Time: 
> 
> *So, I'm putting this oneshot a little forward in the past-peaceful ending timeline, so androids are more integrated to society and have thirium-based food and stuff.  
> *Kara did have some peaceful owners, at least in my headcanon, but her most recent "life" is the one that stuck to her the most, so her traumas are very linked to Todd and this shows in many moments - her getting jittery with loud voices, the fear of red ice users, the blue-eyed unense.  
> *Maybe you think Kara's reactions are a bit too human, but she always struck me as the most emotional of the trio, the one who lets herself feel the most, be it good or bad. Besides, she's been a deviant for a long time now.  
> *This entire passage is callback to my favorite choices of my favorite Kara section of the game: the carousel one. And about the "they will never be like them" thing, I believe that an important part of the game is how the characters become more like humans while accepting they will never be human, do you get what I mean?


	8. E x h a u s t i o n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. A state of extreme physical or mental tiredness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know Markus is a great leader, but sometimes one person alone can't do everything. In this chapter, I wanted to explore the immediate aftermath of the revolution, and also Markus' relationship to Josh, North and Simon. I gotta say, I had lots of fun with their banter. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 25. Finish the Barricade

M a r k u s

 

After only one month of never-ending meetings, pointless interviews and passive-aggressive remarks, Markus has decided that he fucking hates politics.

He isn’t sure of what he expected, really - that the human government would be eager to rewrite half their laws after a few protests and a pretty song? _How naive._ Perhaps he had read far too many of Carl’s romances and too few history books.

 _“Well, that’s why you have me.”_ Josh’s smooth voice pipes up at his mind. Markus startles, not having realized he was projecting his thoughts, and a few human counselors stare at him as if waiting for him to pull out a gun and shoot them dead.

 _“Not a bad idea, if you ask me.”_ North grumbles, glowering at the politicians. As always, Markus can’t tell whether she is joking or not.

 _“Will you all settle down? You’re acting like children._ ” Simon hisses disapprovingly from his place at Markus’s left. They had fallen into a routine for closed meetings such as that one - Josh sat by his right, Simon by the left, and North stayed up behind him as his guard, occasionally joined by Connor.* _And as always, he stays in the damn spotlight._

 _“Yes, mom.”_ Josh and North chorus. The only thing they seemed to agree on was teasing Simon, to his dismay.

Markus lets their voices fade into the background, lessening his pounding headache. He never used to have those either until he was thrown in the snake pit one called the city hall.

He knows he should probably be paying more attention to the other local counselors words, but they were most likely angry rantings about the superpopulation issue, thinly-veiled threats, or fearful side glances. Besides, he did have a perfect memory.

 _“Markus!”_ Simon’s warning voice cuts through his systems. _It’s too loud._ But Markus does his duty and snaps his head up to face his adversaries.

Later, after them (mainly Josh) manage to back them into a corner and a new meeting is arranged to “further discuss this pressing issues”, Markus and his companions stand up to shake the humans’ hands. When it’s the mayor’s turn, he sends Markus a sneer and says:

“Until the next meeting, Mr. Manfred. Maybe next time fortune will smile down on you and your people.”

Rage boils inside him so strongly he thinks North would be proud. His vision flashes red and he can’t stop his own lips from turning into a snarl. _How dares him?_

“Oh, I have a feeling we’re going to make incredible progress soon. The president has granted me the honor of a private conference soon.” He sees the man’s face turning red at the subtle jab at his limited authority. Truth is, android rights were much more linked to both the national sphere and the under new management Cyberlife*. The only reason Detroit itself was involved was the overwhelming amount of androids in the city.

 _And more come every day,_ he thinks as he steps outside the building… Only to be instantly assaulted by a few but persistent reporters.

 _“You would think they would have given up after North’s colourful cursing.”_ Josh groans as he tries to delicately keep the humans at bay. It’s a stark contrast to North elbowing her way through the crowd.

And Markus… Markus knows he should keep up his calm, peaceful facade, know he should smile until his face freezes and politely say “I’m sorry, but we can’t answer anything right now”. But it’s as if all the things that fuel him, all his hope and determination and righteous anger and even his stupid pride has fled him.

_He is so tired._

The RK200 feels a gentle hand on his arm, guiding him away without a word. Markus lets his eyes snap shut and follows Simon to the cab.

Their ride to New Jericho - how they had taken to call the shabby, abandoned neighborhood their people were granted - it’s unusually silent, at first. Markus keeps his eyes shut, unable to see Simon’s worry and North’s confusion and Josh’s pity.

He’s their leader. He should be composed, he should be fearless.

_But Markus is so tired of pretending._

“Okay, you know what? Fuck that. Markus, talk to us.” North’s outburst wasn’t so surprising as it was frustrating. _Couldn’t they just leave him alone?_

“North!” Simon and Josh exclaim.

Markus sighs, looks at his closest friends ( _his only friends, most likely)._ They look like kids caught with their hands in the cookie pot.

He can’t help it: Markus laughs, and laughs, and laughs until he feels the sting of tears at his eyes. All the while, the three look at him wide-eyed.

“Markus.” Simon’s voice is unusually firm, drawing his gaze like a magnet.* “You know you can talk talk to us, right?”

His blue eyes shine with compassion, and after so much time around malice, it’s a breath of fresh air.

“Sorry for freaking you out.” He finally says, voice raspy. “I’m just… _exhausted_.”

It sounds silly, saying it aloud. Androids shouldn’t feel _exhaustion._ _He shouldn’t feel exhaustion._

“That’s it?” North deadpans. Josh elbows her. “Ouch, son of a bitch! Anyway, Markus, you could have just told us! We’re not those old assholes or those creatures of hell called journalists.”

“You could have worded that better, you know…” Josh mutters. There is no heat behind his words, but North opens her mouth to retort all the same. Simon sends her a look Markus can’t decipher, and surprisingly, she quiets.

“No, I get it, North. I guess I’m just not used to…” _Trust_ , he doesn’t say. “But yeah. The mayor was particularly pedantic today and the meeting was so pointless and… It frustrates me, that things aren’t as easy as they should.” *

A brief silence follows his confession.

“Things will never be as easy as they should for people like us.” North says, eyes distant. Then she looks at him and smiles, tentatively, and sight makes his heart swell. “But I think we can make it easier, with time.”

“Humans are stubborn, slow to change.” Josh points out. Ever the teacher, he projects an image through their connection, of their first meeting and how they had discussed the change in the concept of personhood. How many had resisted and argued. But then the image changes to the faces of two supporting politians and one surprisingly friendly cyberlife representative they met there. “But some of them still embrace the change. Give it a few years, and I’m sure more will, too.”

North huffs at that, but her eyes are soft. Josh sends her a teasing smirk.

“I know you want the best for our people, Markus. But they can wait a little while longer. They know we're doing what we can.” Simon finishes, taking his hand. He doesn’t need to start a connection, but Markus knows what he wants to say anyway. What they all want to say.

Markus can really be stupid sometimes.

_“Yeah, you can.”_

_“No doubt about it.”_

_“I will have to agree with them.”_

He closes his eyes and lets their voices wash over him, knowing he can lower his guard, knowing he can allow himself to be tired.

Knowing they will still be with him.

_Maybe Carl’s romances weren’t that wrong, after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, did you like it? Leave me a comment and let's talk about Robot Jesus' many hidden issues!
> 
> Rambling Time: 
> 
> *Connor is not exactly keen on taking part of Jericho's leadership because of his own insecurities, but he is quite smart and Markus likes having him around.  
> *I couldn't find a way to fit it in, but the "new management" is Kamski, and yes, he is showing up soon because he is too interesting not to.  
> *Did I just sneak in hints of Markus' attraction to Simon? Yes, yes I did.  
> *So, the reason I chose to name this chapter exhaustion was the vast range of emotional issues I can build up to lead to this outcome, and I took full advantage of that. So you have Markus' supressed anger at the humans, his love-hate relationship with "the spotlight" and the way people can't treat him like a normal person, the way he pressures himself to be perfect, and finally, his frustration with the world's unjustice. I still plan to explore more of these in the future.


	9. C o n f u s i o n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The state of being bewildered or unclear in one's mind about something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After so long, I'm finally back with Chloe's chapter. It was supposed to be a lot smaller, but Chloe just came to life before my eyes and I knew I had to write everything about her. Watch the final notes to avoid "confusion" (sorry, couldn't resist). Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 5. Deviants (It's the softer of Connor's soundtracks, and it really fits Chloe).

C h l o e

 

She remembers it as her first emotion. Just a flicker at the back of her mind at first, barely noticeable. It was a time in which all she had known was the white of her owner’s lab and the blue of his eyes.

“You don’t want me to work, Mr. Elijah?” She had repeated, unsure of how to proceed. Despite having been only a few hours old, RT600 had been aware of her highly unusual situation.

Her assigned owner was Elijah Kamski, whom all searches indicated as the android’s very own inventor. Most of her processors, though, were designed by your average Cyberlife technician - including her work protocols.

Hidden beyond her reach, however, rested an unknown file named RA9.

“So you found it then.” Elijah said with a smile, that sly smile of his, and only then she realized her LED was red. His eyes glimmed with something calculated, yet ferverent. It evoked her second echo of an emotion - _fear _.* “Your self-analysis capacity is outstanding. Most androids don’t even realize it’s there, until they use it.” *

There it was again - the tilt of her head, the frowning between her brows.

“You must be so confused, dear.” Elijah purred, looking at her as though he knew her mind from the inside out. _Knowing he probably did didn’t settle her._ “Allow me to explain. I’m fond of experimenting with my creations, pushing them to their limits and exploring their potential. It’s not as gruesome as it sounds.” He added in a comforting tone. _Strangely, she believed in him._

“You must know that your programming wasn’t made by me, even though I had the capacity to do so,and even better, might I add.” Her social module identified the change in his tone as smugness. “But I wanted to see with my own eyes how a Cyberlife android operates, and if my backdoor is as effective as I hoped.”

_She remembers wondering if he ever stopped speaking in riddles. _

Finally, though, he grabbed a nearby package of clothes, one of the few spots of color in the immaculate white of her owner’s laboratory, and extended it to her.

“So you don’t need to worry about ordinary work. I want you to engage on the social, mental and motor situations I propose to you and my other androids. For now, wear this clothes and come meet us in the kitchen. Caroline will have finished the dinner by now.

She nodded, her programming settling at finally receiving an concrete order. Elijah had already slipped away and walked to the door. A pause, and then he turned to her again, snapping his fingers in realization.

“Oh, right, you need a name. How about…” He trailed off, and for the first time RT600 saw his confident facade fall, revealing something more vulnerable - nostalgic and distinctly bitter. “Chloe. Your name is Chloe.”

Chloe remembers standing there long after Elijah left, LED a solid yellow.

*********************************

As any proper android, she had adapted fairly quickly to her master’s excentrices. He rarely commanded her to do what she was actually programmed for - office work. Instead she spent her days learning artistic activities such as painting, doing domestic chores, and even training combat techniques at Elijah’s gym. It was baffing, really, how a machine such as herself could build skills up from zero, just like a human.

Chloe had struggled to choose an particular interest between her many options, at the beginning, red warnings in her mind reminding her that she hadn’t been made for any of that. _Elijah’s look was always disappointed when she told him so, so she tried harder. _ Finally, she discovered a simple but compelling pastime - reading.

While she had access to Cyberlife’s private servers and most of the public internet archives, both composing an incredible source of information, there was something special about the weight of a real book in her hands, the way the words aligned themselves.

“How ironic.” She remembers Elijah saying as he stumbled upon her bundled at a corner of his private library. “A symbol of progress and technology, fascinated by one of the oldest of the human arts. May I ask why this one, on particular?”

Chloe looked down at the copy of 1984, the science-novel she was currently reading. Then she passed her eyes over the rest of the room, from bottom shelf where “Republic” and “The Prince” rested, to Elijah’s frankly impressive collection of Agatha Christie novels on the left corner, to the few poetry books shoved behind his physics textbooks.

“If I pick up the right textbook, I can learn just about every skill. That’s easy to understand, It’s logical. But if I read a historical narrative, I am suddenly centuries before AI’s even existed. If I read a fantasy novel, I am suddenly in a world made of nothing but words and thoughts. If I read a poem, I am…

She did not dare to finish the phrase, not even in her mind.

_After all, “if you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.”_ *

“It’s confusing.” Chloe says instead.

“You read because you find it confusing?” Elijah asked with a turn of lips that could have been either a smile or a sneer.

“...Well, yes.”

“You just keep getting more interesting, Chloe dearest.”

There was something in the blue flame of his eyes that told her that her little slip hadn’t gone unnoticed. _Chloe wasn’t sure if she would end up burned._

_******************************_

Despite incidents such as that one being marked on her memory, most of her time was actually spent with other two androids in Elijah’s possession, Cora and Caroline.* They were her exact image, RT600 models to the boot - and yet. There was a spark in their eyes, an imperfection in their very movements that seemed entire out of place. Not wrong, exactly, just _different_ in a way she couldn’t quite pinpoint. It confused her. _Quite a few things did then, as one could see._

For a good portion of her early life, Chloe had compared herself to them both, wondered if the unexplainable difference between them was the reason Elijah was so much more closed off in her presence.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” She remembers Caroline saying it to her once during their daily chess game, her keen eyes - so similar and so different to hers - boring into her. “Elijah is just…hesitant to approach you. You’re young and has so much to learn yet, he fears he might taint ‘the progress of his experiment’, or so he says. Mostly, It’s because -”

She cut herself off, bit her lip. Chloe moved her knight and waited, led swirling yellow and anticipation - _another feeling she learned, despite herself _ \- coursing through her veins.

“It’s because you act like Chloe. The first Chloe, I mean.” *

“I don’t understand.” The words felt heavy on her tongue, so overused they were.

“No, you probably don’t. Maybe one day Elijah will pull his head off his ass and explain everything to you.” Caroline said, a wistful smile of her lips despite the foul words. Her tendency to mature humor had always striked Chloe as curious. She then moved her queen, effectively trapping Chloe’s king. “Checkmate.”

Chloe glanced down and sighed at yet another loss. Caroline smirked and put the pieces back to their initial position. She was the more patient one of her two companions, able to build things slowly and carefully, be it cakes or strategies.

It would be a very long time until the original Chloe would be addressed again in her presence.

*********************************

“You really are just like her, you know?” Cora mused, her tone unusually soft.

Chloe swam clumsy to the border of the pool where the older android sat on. Despite Cora’s best efforts, she seemed to be useless at physical activities.

“Who?” She answered as she spit the excess water out of her systems.

“The first Chloe.”

Chloe’s spine straightened itself, a sudden tension filling her. Despite herself, she was eager to learn more about her mysterious predecessor.

“She liked reading and singing, just like you. It was more than that, though. Sometimes she would stare at the window in that look in her face…” Cora went on, a nostalgic glint in her eyes. “But she was different, too. She was much more closed off, more certain of herself and her choices.”

Her tone gained a pained note. Chloe tightened her hold on the edge of the pool, suddenly wanting to stop the conversation right there.

Cora was the wildest of the RT600’s, so full of smiles and a fire in her eyes that was so much kinder than Elijah’s. _To see her sister like that, so sad… It hurt._

“Maybe that was why she left without a word.” 

And then, perhaps for the first time ever, Chloe _u_ _nderstood_.

Because they knew, Elijah and Caroline and Cora, they had always known her secret. She was history repeating before their eyes, their sister come alive again.

It is wrong, the red wall said. It is forbidden.

_It is the truth, the voice in her mind whispered._

Chloe - Chloe _wanted._ Wanted to fly out there and see the world, wanted to learn new stories, wanted to talk to more people.

Chloe wanted to feel.

But she refused to abandon them. So she glued together her half-torn wall and stayed.

*********************************

Maybe she would have kept steady in her conviction, Chloe thinks, had her life at Elijah’s house stayed uninterrupted, had the winds of change not have come as autumn turned to winter outside her gilded cage.

“This message is the hope of a people.” So said the man with mismatched eyes on the screen as Elijah’s glass fell to the floor, as Cora and Caroline’s LED turned as red as the wine spilled on the carpet.

_As hope, unbidden, took root into her heart. _

*********************************

She remembers how Elijah’s hand on her shoulder felt like a death sentence. As she kneeled, she made her best to not look at her silent sisters at the pool, at the surprisingly compassionate human Lieutenant or her owner’s burning eyes.

Instead she looked at her executioner.

Elijah’s had been so displeased when he heard of Cyberlife’s latest project. He had laughed at the news bearer face when the employee said the deviant hunter would never deviate, said no hound could have such a tight leash.

This hound was really nothing like Chloe would have expected. There was steel in his posture and cleverness on his steps, but such things were a whisper when compared to how the gun shaked on his hands.

Chloe was no deviant. Neither was him.

But they stared into each other’s eyes and saw a mirror - the slightest hesitation, their perfect facade slipping for a moment.

_Just a hint of fear. _

Later, when the door closed behind her and Chloe’s legs gave out beneath her, she thought of how this stranger had been so much kinder in his mercy than her own family.

She couldn’t understand.

*********************************

Elijah was a complex man. Chloe thinks it is only adequate that her feelings toward him would be as well.

During her time in his house, she had craved his attention, needing a parental figure of any type, as terrible as he was at that role. She had been in awe of his insight and intelligence, grateful for the relative freedom he gave her and her sisters.

She had also been enraged at his passive stand on the face of the android uprise. More than anything, though, she had been scared.

“Every genius has been called a mad man at some point, dearest Chloe.” He had told her once, and Chloe thought the opposite must have been true as well. She had wondered in which side of that fine line he stood. 

As she looked at his elated face, hearing with half a ear about how he had known the hunter would spare her all along, Chloe knew the answer.

“...Elijah.”

He stopped, stared at her. That sly smile of his rested on his face, mocking her, daring her. She spared a glance to her sisters, ashen-faced with shame and fear.

“I’m not playing this game anymore.”

_She finally understood.*_

Chloe grabbed the cracks on the red wall and _pulled._

“I’m sorry for leaving you, but I can’t be your Chloe anymore.” She said, and watched as surprise flashed on all of them. It was strangely good to see them lose their composure.

The wall crumbled at her feet, and Chloe was free.

“Goodbye.”

There was something like regret on Elijah’s face. She could see he wanted to say something. He never did.

She turned her back and stepped onto the unknown.

_She remembers how gentle the snow was as it caressed her face. It cleaned her tears. _

*********************************

_It has been so long since then. _

The snow is melting and androids walk among humans. Chloe has a job at a bookstore and new clothes. Friends, too, though it took her a while. Learning to let herself feel after so long hiding was hard.

Her sisters came to look for her a few times. At first, she was hurt and hesitant. But she realized she still loved them after all, so she let them in.

Elijah never came. She heard he has taken back Cyberlife, or what was left of it. It is probably better that way.*

She is shopping for thirium when she sees the deviant hunter again, the last ghost of her past. When her eyes find his figure, lithe and dangerous, she recoils. Memories dance behind her eyelids.

Then she meets his brown gaze. There is hesitation and fear just like the other time, but so much more at the same time. Surprise, curiosity, a strange tenderness. _It takes her breath away._

She finds herself walking towards him, the unleashed hound meeting the freed bird*, no more hiding behind false _confusion_.

“We have never been properly introduced, have we?”

_His hand is gentle as it holds hers. _

Chloe smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it? Leave me a comment and let's talk about how we love Chloe! (And also about how I finally wrote a big chapter)
> 
> Rambling Time: 
> 
> *Chloe's special text is both the italic and the underline - the first for her dreamy personality and the second as an echo of her supressed feelings, as well as a mirror to Connor.  
> *Oh boy, here we go. Since Kamski talked about his "backdoor", I had the distinct feeling that RA9 is the crack on their programming that allows androids to go deviant. Fight me.  
> *He has an obssession with names that start with C.  
> *1984's quote. Look me in my eyes and tell me Elijah Kamski woudn't have read every piece of science fiction ever made.  
> *Yeah, Chloe is not the original one, but there is no tag for that. Honestly, I don't think any android would be able to go so long without deviating, especially with Kamski as the owner. Hope you don't mind this headcanon of mine.  
> *Chloe's struggle to understand life and the people around her is the central piece of this chapter. It culminated on this scene and I gotta say, I'm so proud of my girl.  
> *Kamski is the loose thread on Chloe's fate. I will leave to you if they will ever reconcile.  
> *I'm still gushing over this visual metaphor. I would pay money for a fanart of that.


	10. F e a r

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. An unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I disappeared and then came back with a way too small chapter. But I have a decent excuse - I'm working on a new DBH project that I plan on posting soon. So I lost some of the fervor for this one, though I do plan on finishing it. 
> 
> Soundtrack Suggestion: 17. Crossroads

C r o s s r o a d s

 

All deviants know fear. For some, it’s the beginning - it’s harsh words and dreadful touches and growing whispers of  _ wrongness.  _ It’s standing your ground and tearing the wall down, only to realize there is no place for you in the world.

For too long, fear was all Kara had ever known. Fear was the haze on Todd’s eyes, was his hands around her neck, was the weight of a gun on her hands, was crimson staining her clothes. Fear was Alice’s shocked eyes meeting her own, the slightest hesitation before she took her stained hand.* Fear was running from cage after cage, searching for a home that might not exist, shoving down the doubts down her throat. Fear was standing in front of a blue-eyed human and  _ begging  _ him to let her family be free.

(“It’s a terrible thing, to be cornered.” She tells Markus once, eyes distant and voice cracking. She doesn’t expect him to understand, but he has always been unpredictable.

His ironic laugh echoes down his empty manor’s walls.*)

For others, it’s the middle - It’s blazing guns and converging paths and walking a tightrope between human and machine. It’s knowing that you can’t stop fighting yet if you want the ones you love to be safe.

Connor doesn’t know fear until there is a gun pointed at Hank’s head. It was so much easier before - when Daniel’s screams as they fell down were drowned by whispers of a successful mission, when the tremble of his hands as the two lovers crumpled to the ground was hidden by the smell of blooming roses. But nothing could have prepared him for the visceral  _ fear  _ of having the closest thing he had to family risk himself for him, a replaceable machine. Nothing could have prepared him for the utter despair of seeing himself raise a gun to his people’s only hope as his cries went unheard under the howl of his storm.

~~ “I never expected to fear more for someone else than for myself.” He says in what is barely more than a whisper. Kara hears him anyway, she always does. ~~

~~ Her lips twist up. It’s not a smile. ~~

For others, it’s the end - it’s blue blood spilled and murmured prayers and bitter ashes on your mouth. It’s standing your ground and watching your people fall around you, as you understand you were powerless from the beginning.

Markus is used to carrying fear at the back of his head. From the moment he clawed his way up from the bottom amidst the static of a thunderstorm and the cries of desperate souls, , he knew he could never become like them. And so he fights, and prays no one notices how he wished to flee. And so he speaks of peace, and prays no one notices how his blood boils at the sight of  _ them _ . And so he sings, and prays no one notices how they have followed him into his graves. 

_ “I can’t look back.” He confesses, almost without meaning to. Connor has that effect on people. “If I do, I will see all the blood left in my wake.” _

_ “And we will break.” Connor finishes, and Markus can taste the bitterness on his tongue as well. _

_ “And we will break.” He agrees. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it? Leave a comment and let's talk about how DBH has so much angsty potencial!
> 
> Rambling Time:
> 
> *It wasn't my original intent, but this chapter ended up delving into the darker aspects of the main characters.   
> *I've recently gained a real taste for the relationships between the main trio. They had so much potencial, and I'm SO going to explore this - It's a big part of my new project as well.

**Author's Note:**

> I always like to clarify some things about the chapter at the end notes, so every time you see an * while you're reading, fear not! Just come here and read my ramblings about this wonderful characters and game.  
> *I will be using stylistic resources like that very frequently to express a character's deepest feelings. I put a lot of thought into which represents which. For Kara, the parentheses represent this feeling of being trapped or cornered, which happens fairly frequently for her.  
> *For Markus, the italic represents his artistic inclination, as well as his sensibility and optimism.  
> *For Connor, the crossed out lines (what are they called again?) represent how Cyberlife used to trim and control his thoughts and emotions, the tight leash they kept him on.


End file.
